Whatever Comes
by EnsoDancer
Summary: Donatello's keeping a painful secret.


Inspired by a picture by Hittosama. Enjoy!

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12:40am. He checked the time on his t-phone, again. They were late. Maybe they weren't coming this time. Maybe this was all finally over. The thought soothed as much as scared Don as he paced a dank alley in a broken down and mostly abandoned section of the city. Maybe he could find another way. Maybe this was his chance to break the deal, to get out. His mind raced with the possibilities, analyzing and agonizing over all the options for the millionth time. There was only one option though and he already knew it. Because it was either this betrayal of everything he believed in or a vial and unfathomable alternative for which he would not and could not stand. Hearing the town car finally approaching, he instinctually became invisible against the side of a dumpster, letting the shockingly bright headlights cast wraithlike silhouettes against the surrounding brick walls.

The car was long, black and slick with tinted windows. Don almost chuckled at how its appearance though designed to be banal practically screamed government vehicle. Waiting he watched as the two occupants exited the car, they knew from experience that the turtle man would not show himself until they did first. Don knew this meeting ritual did nothing to truly keep him safe, that he took his life in his hands every time he willingly went with the dark-suited men. But somehow keeping to his father's ninja teachings in even the smallest ways helped placate his ever growing guilt.

Showing himself he walked toward the first man who offered his hand which Don shook quickly. Then as the second man opened the back passenger door Don stepped one foot in but stopped suddenly. Feeling a tingle at his neck, he turned his head shifting his gaze left and right, into the ally and then down the street. Seeing nothing and sensing the impatience of his chauffeurs, Don sighed and disappeared into the car's interior. Within seconds the car had pulled away leaving nothing but shadows in the alley.

Moments later, Leonardo stepped out from the darkness, its arms releasing him only at his bidding. His first instincts were to follow, disable the car, take out the drivers and drag Don home. But it would be nearly impossible to catch them on foot and he further suspected the car would be going to an impenetrable government facility. Not that any of that would have mattered if his brother had been kidnapped, he would of course face anything to save a brother. But it seemed this brother had gone willingly. He reasoned that following may put Don in more danger than simply waiting for him to return. And so Leo forced himself to drop into the nearest manhole and return to the lair. As he walked he fought to control the anger that began to bubble up at his little brother's actions. Leo was used to these emotions aimed at Raph or even Mikey on occasion but _Don_? Don had always been his anchor, the stabilizing force that kept their team together. To know that his purple clad brother was keeping something from him, something involving one of their fieriest enemies no less, was not only deeply unsettlingly but frightening for the turtle Raph had nicknamed Fearless. _'Donnie, what have you gotten yourself into? Why didn't you come to me?' _Leo shook his head. He cautioned himself though not to reach any conclusions before hearing Don's explanation. '_And he will explain, the minute he comes home,' _Leo thought to himself. Breaking into a hard run, Leo willed the tension from his shoulders as he headed straight to the lair and straight to the lab. Not bothering to turn on a light, his ninja eyes more than accustomed to the darkness, he sat and waited.

5:47am. Donnie massaged his neck as he finally stepped back into the lair. Lamenting that there was not enough time to get any kind of meaningful sleep before morning practice began, he opted instead to head to his lab, his nerves too on edge to rest anyway. Weighing heavily on his mind, the idea of fixing Mike's gaming console, or working out improvements for Raph's motorcycle or doing absolutely anything to cleanse himself, anything at all for which he could use his skills and not feel dishonorable. Stepping into his sanctuary Don relaxed a bit knowing he had made it there and back alive one more time, that no one knew his secret and that things, at least for now, were still ok. Breathing a sigh of relief, he flicked the switch on his small desk lamp.

"Uhh!" Don gasped sharply as adrenaline shot through his body and pounded his heart on his eardrums. Don stared into the piercingly blue eyes of his brother seated at the lab's desk.

"Geez, Leo! What are you doing? You nearly gave me a coronary!"

"I'm sorry," Leo apologized, never breaking his gaze, his tone quiet and inscrutable.

"It's fine, it's fine," Don smiled anxiously, catching his breath and clutching his heart, "just say something next time, you don't have go all stealth mode at home, you know."

As the comment dropped from his mouth, it occurred to Don how absolutely undetectable his brother had been only seconds ago. He had been close enough to reach out and touch, yet Don had not even sensed him. Leo had become a master in the ways of invisibility even among his trained brothers. And then another thought seized the genius. Moving around the desk to hide his face and the emotions he knew were flashing there, Don thought of earlier in the evening when a sense of being watched had scarcely pricked his aura despite having seen nothing. "So, what are you doing anyway? I was just getting an early start, and came down… and I just…Did you need something, Leo?" Don blathered, willing the moment not to have finally arrived.

It had been callous to scare Donnie. Leo knew it and did sincerely regret the tactic. But he had needed to see his brother's eyes, to gauge his reaction and unsettle his defenses. It had worked, he had seen not only shock but the guilt and fear Don was trying to mask and hearing his stammering only confirmed it. Leo was sure his brother was in some sort of serious trouble and he meant to get to the truth without Don's ways of subverting the issue with linguistic gymnastics.

"Where have you been?" Leo asked.

"I told you, I just came down to get—," Don replied not turning around.

"No," Leo interrupted firmly, "You know I was there. Tell me Donatello."

Donatello recognized the tone of Leo's voice and it willed him to tell his Leader everything, he always had before, but now Don fought the sensation fiercely. Closing his eyes, Don took a moment to hardened himself, then whipping around to face his brother, he met Leo's eyes. "I thought we were past this. Now you're following me? I thought you had more respect for me than this," he accused.

Leo absorbed the accusation, unflinchingly. Despite his brother's normally gentle nature, Leo knew Don was far from meek and more than capable of smoldering fury. However he was also close enough to the turtle to know this reaction was not truly that, but something else. Something laced with fear and the recognition of it ignited a deep need within him to protect his brother and to destroy whatever threatened his family. "I do respect you, but what you're doing is dangerous and its my responsibility to ensure the safety of this clan, I won't apologize for that." Laying his hand on his brother's shoulder, Leo softened his tone, "Don, tell me what's going on? Why were you getting in a car with Bishop's men?"

"I-I cant." Don bit the inside of his cheek and dropped his gaze. The gesture not lost on Leo who remembered it from their childhood, a nervous habit any time their father had caught the young genius dismantling one of the appliances.

"But why? What possible reason could there be for you to keep this from your family. We're always stronger together, you know that, let me help you."

"And there it is," Don chuckled humorlessly, "Leonardo always ready to rush in and save one of his little brothers. Are you so insecure you haven't figured out that I don't need that from you anymore. I can take care of myself and I definitely don't need you dictating every move I make."

The acidity of Don's words stung them both, but Leo pressed, "Don, why are you fighting me like this? Its not like you. Has Bishop done something to you? Is he blackmailing you? Whatever it is, you don't need to shut your family out, we'll stand with you."

Ignoring Leo, Don rambled frantically, "Please don't do this, don't ask me to tell you. You don't need to know and you can't help me. Just let me handle this, for once let me do this my way. Please Leo, I am asking you to trust me."

"Trust you? While you're sneaking from the lair in the middle of the night to meet with our enemies? And from the looks of it, it wasn't the first time. Donatello, I do trust you, I know there must be some reason, but you need to let me in."

"I know what it must look like, but there's no other way. I have to do this, and I know its there and I'll find it, no matter what. It won't be too much longer, I'm sorry but I can't let you stop me, just trust me ok? I-I know it'll be hard and I'm so sorry I didn't conceal it better but you can't ask quest…" Don continued to rant.

Recognizing the beginnings of a panic attack, Leo stepped forward and grabbed Don's shoulders, "Stop. Calm down brother. Let's sit." Leo lead his brother to the cot at the back of the lab were the two sat down. "Take a deep breath." Don did as asked. "In...out...slowly. Alright, are you okay, now?"

Don nodded unsure of his voice.

"Okay, now, take your time and tell me what's happened. What are you looking for?"

As the last bricks of resistance in the wall he had built around the secret broke free, Don felt the exhaustion that had been weighing him down and let his head drop into his hands. Leo said nothing, giving his brother space to find the words.

"A cure," Don let the phrase out on an exhale as if he had, for weeks, been holding his breath.

"A cure?" Concern for his brother seized at Leo's heart, he had not expected this though he remained a mask of calm. "Don, are you sick?"

"Yes, very."

"I see. How—"

"No," Don interrupted, "No, you don't. I would never do what I'm doing if it was just me. You have to believe that. If it were, I could cope, make peace with it, it would be fine. But its not just me." Knotting his fists at the sides of his skull Don squeezed his eyes tightly shut. "Its you….M-Mikey, it's Raph…and…Father, it's all of us! And time is running out."

Struggling to find his voice, Leo hesitated for only a second, "What is it that you think we have?"

"I don't think, I _know_." Don replied firmly, "I've run all our blood samples a thousand times. Here and at Bishop's labs, I've run every test known to modern science and some not yet known. At first it was so minute, I thought I was imagining things. That's why I didn't tell you right away, I had to be sure what I was looking at. And then when I did know, I couldn't find a way to tell you."

"Tell us what?" Leo urged.

"Cellular breakdown. It's happening to us on a cellular level and I don't why. You know I take blood samples from all us on regular basis to check cholesterol, blood sugar, cell count. Routine things just to keep us healthy. Well about three months ago, I noticed that Father's cell count was down, at first I thought maybe anemia or some kind of infection but that wasn't it. It looked like apoptosis, then I checked and found it in all us. I can only assume since we were all mutated at the same time."

"Apoptosis?"

"Cell death. Pre-programmed cell death. Except with our mutated cells it seems to be rapid and out of control. Its like a switch turned on one day and now we're literally disintegrating. The opposite of cancer, our cells aren't growing they're just melting way and disappearing. And if I don't find a cure we'll just…wilt into nothing. There's no documented cases I could find in human or turtle biology so there's no way of knowing what exactly the end would be like."

"And Bishop somehow found out and is trying to use it against us?" Leo asked, trying hard not to focus on the fact his brother had just told him he was essentially expiring.

"No, well…sort of. He is manipulating the situation but he didn't come to me, I went to him."

"Why? Why would he help us? I'd assume he'd be glad."

"You're right at first he wasn't going to help but I made a bargain with him. Sold him something I guess you could say."

"Donnie…," Leo furrowed his brow and shook his head not wanting to hear what was next.

"You have to understand, I needed access to his facilities, to the pharmaceuticals and equipment that only he has or can get. Leo, he's a secret government agent with global connections he can exploit in total anonymity. His labs are full of the world's most brilliant scientific minds, the fact that I'm a mutant doesn't even make them blink. I could work freely in the open, not to mention his unlimited funds. In a normal lab this kind of research could take decades but we're making breakthroughs in weeks! Don't you see, I was getting no where here in this makeshift lab!" Don looked up, "I did what I had to do."

"At what cost Donatello?" Leo's face went void of expression, "What does he get in return."

"Me," Don took a breath. "He get's me, my mind for whatever he wants. It was the only thing he would take."

"And what does he ask you to do?"

Don hesitated, "I don't have details, I don't plan anything, I-I really just do scientific speculation, but I guess…there could be applications for…um…bioweaponry, genetic manipulation, new chemical delivery systems, even good old fashioned explosives. But like I said I don't really know for sure and I can't think about it because I don't have a choice."

"No, Don there is always a choice. How…how could you agree to that?"

"Because I had too!" Don's anger flared. "What was I supposed to do? Just watch as everyone I love just evaporated, you're not the only one who's allowed to sacrifice for this family, Leonardo!"

"How do you think that makes me feel, you must know when our brothers and Father find out, they won't accept this, they won't take anything gained so…," Leo stared at his brother.

"Say it. Go ahead and say it. Gained through dishonor, that's what you mean. Well they already have, we all have."

"What are you talking about?"

"The vitamin regimen I started us on last month, its a really a treatment. It's a breakthrough really. An incredibly refined compound of chemicals that significantly slows down the apoptosis, its not a cure but its a first step. It'll give me the time I need to find a sustainable answer. And as soon as I do this partnership with Bishop is over, I promise you." Don's voice lifted hopefully in the same way it did whenever he described one of his discoveries to his family.

"Don. I don't know what to say."

"Say you'll give me some time to figure this out. Say you'll keep my secret. Say you trust me. You may be ready to let yourself go, but are you really ready to sentence the rest of our family to that. To tell Mikey he has die, for the sake of our honor? Or to even burden them with the choice? Its cruel, they don't deserve that and you know it."

Don's eyes were glistening and pleading and Leo noted the constant tremor that rippled through his brother's body. Don was obviously at the edge and fraying but Leo also knew Don was neither rash nor careless. If he had made a decision, he had done so through painstaking analysis. Leonardo considered the consequences of revealing the secret and of keeping it hidden, and could only conclude that both options were completely intolerable. Leo realized and now shared the agony, fear and guilt his brother had been hiding and he had no answers.

Leo did the only thing he could think of. Reaching out he pulled his brother close to him and said, "Donnie, I love you and you are not alone. I'm here, whatever comes."And it was enough for Don who immediately wrapped his arms around his brother.

And for the next hour they stayed like that. Eventually laying down on the cot, Leo let his brother rest his troubled head on his plastron. In silence, each brother wrestling with his own thoughts and simultaneously drawing strength from the other. Neither sure of what the days ahead would bring.

Owari.

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A/N: Thanks for reading. Reviews are greatly appreciated including honest criticism.

Also, this was written for a fanfiction challenge for an artist who goes by Hittosama. The challenge was to write a fic based on one of her images. To see the image that goes with this fic seek my DA gallery where I'm also Ensodancer. A quick search for Whatever Comes Ensodancer will also bring it up. The pic I used and my profile is G rated but beware if you seek out Hittosama some of her work is rated M and NSFW.


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